Coping With Child-Fights In The Home

One of the most frustrating things that any parent will ever have to deal with is child-fights. The first thing a parent should keep in mind when it comes to dealing with quarreling children is to ignore the small squabble. Only to intervene if quarreling becomes physical. Fighting and quarreling is something that all children will go through and is a normal part of any child's social development. It is the parent's responsibility to ensure that children are learning socially acceptable ways in dealing with disagreement. When fighting occurs, parents should bear in mind that they should not get upset with just one of the children, since it usually takes two individuals to fight. If the children are old enough, ask each child to give their version of the events leading up to the argument.

For children that are older (in their teenage years) you could ask them how they would stop quarreling children when they're parents themselves. After getting these suggestions, ask these young adults if they could live by the rules that they just came up with.

If yes, take their suggestions and stick them some where in your home. Believe me this fighting issue is a serious problem in virtually every home and always around the home you see these children fight over a piece of toy nylon, bottle cork and many other trivial things.

The common thing I witness among my girls is quarreling. It is either they quarrel on whose turn it is to wash the plate, sweep, wash their stockings etc. and this quarreling can be irritating many atimes because one might come back home after a stressful day in the office and instead of resting, you end up setting up a mini court to settle the quarrel. Many atimes when such stuff happens, I ignore them and once I do that, both party knows that any further noise will attract both dealing with the offender and defendant and to avoid that, the defendant would want to stay calm to avoid being condemned.

I would want parents to stop the act of shouting always any time there is an uproar in their homes. Most times treat quarrel with silence, you can later call both parties when the situation is calm, and resolve the issue. If your kids seem to fight constantly, ask yourself some of the following questions to help determine why.

(i). Are you favouring one unconsciously? (ii) Do you always fight and quarrel with others, at any slightest provocation?

Some weeks back, a friend of mine invited my kids and me to her son's birthday bash, and as we were all enjoying ourselves, a little guy of about 3 years came running to a woman beside me, from the dancing arena, with tears in his eyes.

“What is it?” her mum enquired. “My buloon buloon.” “Your buloon buloon?” “Yes that boy took it and beat me,” he said, pointing to the direction where the other kids were busy dancing away the week-long school stress. Before I knew what was happening, the little boy's mum told the older one next him to go and collect the said balloon, from the boy.

What baffled me was the question she asked when his older son collected back the said balloon. “Hope you slapped him before collecting that balloon?” she asked. “Yes Mum.” “Good,” she said handing over the balloon to the little guy.

This behaviour is bad. Many of us parents do such almost every day. I didn't know my daughter Somtoo also noticed what happened. Because she bluntly refused to dance with the other kids “Mum,” she called. “Yes,” I answered. “What that woman did, is it good?” “No dear, it's very bad,” I cautioned.
It's bad to encourage kids to fight, but rather try settling things amicably for them.

Some parents will tell you it doesn't matter; that they will prefer their kids strongly beating up their opponents in any combat and that they would know how to handle any complain from the victim's parents if the need arises. This is pretty bad!

And I think the aspect of retaliation should also be discouraged in our homes. My daughter, Jennifer, is fond of jeering at her younger ones. She most times calls Kosy “pussy cat eye.” And Kosy in return will run up to me to complain. “Mum, Jenny is calling me pussy eye.” And I will tell him to go back to Jenny and say, “God Bless you.” And that solves the situation. Whatever happens henceforth what you will keep hearing from Kosy is “God bless.”

So instead of encouraging such a child to always fight back or make quarrel, you teach him/her how to endure and ignore things. Believe me; it helps, so it pays to have respectful and cool-headed children, instead of aggressive and always ready to fight “Dick-Tigers” at home. If you don't start early to inculcate this into them, it is either you end up having a divided home where you will have one faction of your children against the other, or you will end up receiving one frustrating complain after another. And I know no parent will want this type of heart-ache in future. It is a serious emotional trauma that kills, and kills quickly too.

Don't let us create problems for ourselves in future. The “Dick-Tigers” we train in our homes today could cause our death tomorrow. Be wise.

Keep trying and don't ever give up. Believe me; raising children is the most difficult task on earth. But like I will always tell you, keep praying for them, while you do your own part.
Enjoy!

 

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